Black Christmas Review

OH LORD, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME !!! I really don't want to write this. I just want to forget I witnessed this abomination and move on, but I must write. This is my purpose (if somewhat meaningless as far as purposes go), to review the shit so you don't have to watch it. And yes I'm not even going to lie this time, this movie is a piece of shit. I'll break it down but it shouldn't take long to illustrate the shear half-assery this movie embodies.
I'm not even going to try and be eloquent when describing the story. It sucks ASS! It is completely void of common sense or reason and follows the bare minimum standards of Stereotypical horror; ie there are a bunch of dumb-asses in a house with a killer...that's it, really. There is a back story but it's stupid, and it's told through partial flash backs and character narrative. All of this is done terribly and if the story wasn't so "paint by numbers" it would be hard to follow. It is the typical escaped mental patient returning to his home to KILL AGAIN!

LOL

We have seen countless movies with the exact same formula and though most are at least entertaining. This movie is so stupid I couldn't even laugh at it, and believe me I tried. There were parts were I just sat back in complete shock that this level of incompetency was actually possible. And I'm not just talking about the story and the actors themselves(who play characters who do the dumbest things imaginable, even for horror characters!), I'm also talking about the special effects and basic editing as well. Sometimes they put the big scary sound(you know the one that's supposed to make yo jump) before anything even happens. It completely ruins the whole effect. And they never knew where to focus the audience's attention before a scare. It's all about misdirection, making the audience focus on the wrong thing then you scare them from another angle. Here they fly all over the place never focusing on anything then use the same scare over and over again leaving no room for surprise. I'm serious they use the same attack from behind plastic bag over the victim's head scare at least five times. It was kind of cool the first time but it gets old fast.
That's the main problem with this movie it gets old way too fast. It got to the point were I was so bored I was longing for the movie to just end. All the stupid scenes (like normal size icicles falling and stabbing right through someones head) just took all the fun out of the movie. They try to selvage it by adding a twist but you can see it come long before it actually becomes relevant. The whole point of a twist is to catch the viewer off guard and make them feel like they have actually seen a movie that was written with skill. Then after the killer was died and the movie should end...it keeps going. In one of the worst endings imaginable the killed actually gets out of his body bag and continues his rampage. You mean to tell me the paramedics never even bothered to check the killer's pulse! This really sums the movie up well, as a story driven by stupidity with plot holes big enough to cram my fist through. And hopefully the makers of this film are on the other side, so I can strangle them!
This movie gets an F.
There is really no reason to watch it. The lousy killer and the cheap unrealistic gore are not even going to entertain the hardcore slasher fans. I would recommend just seeing another movie. Either a smart gore fest like saw or a classic slasher like Halloween or Friday the 13th. And if you want a Christmas themed movie stick to fun family comedies at least then you can find some entertainment.

Once again if you have an idea for my next review feel free to leave a comment, I'm also open to constructive criticism about my writing style. I'm always willing to learn and part of learning is listening.