OK here we go again with another slasher review. I'll start by saying that it's at least better than Black Christmas, though that's not saying much. Even with my obvious lack of writing experience I could right a better horror script than Black Christmas and I could do it over an Afternoon for free. Hear that Hollywood, for free! Just so I can have the joy of knowing that there is still some art left in the horror industry. Though I do expect royalty checks ;) After all the real money is in royalties anyway.
Before I really begin I have to warn You this may be short. I have boxing in a few hours and I don't think I'll be in any condition to write it after boxing. I'll be far too tired. Mostly I'm asking you to bare with me on what ever typos you may notice I just don't have the time I usually do to edit this one. Sorry in advance:(
Just forget about that warning I feel good enough to go through it now so i will. Be aware this message was written about 3 hours after the rest so you may have already seen many mistakes...I'll make up for this with...well...nothing, I can't change the past. But I will fix some mistakes for everyone else.
Now getting to the movie, I must say it didn't live up to expectations. Most of my friends said it was great! Well it wasn't. Adequate is probably a better word as it just barley fills the quota to be called a horror movie and for that matter a Halloween movie. I'll start by addressing the lengthy back story at the start. This movie is supposed to be a remake but it takes some liberties of it's own with the story. Most of this revolves around Mike Myers who in this one is driven to kill because of his bad childhood. this doesn't fly with me for two reasons. #1 many kids have it way worse than mike, oh no your moms a stripper and your dads a douche bag, your sister is a slut and you have no friends...Boo Frickidy Hoo! That's no reason to torture animals or walk around like your the god Damned Anti Christ! Grow the hell up, try living in Africa you fucking pussy! then tell me how rough you had it. #2 Mike shouldn't need a reason to kill, he is supposed to be pure evil. Humans need reasons, not Mikel Myers. He doesn't need a back story and we don't need to feel sorry for him because he's the serial killer. There are also some small plot holes in the start I won't bother mentioning because their not worth my time. Though to his credit Mike is a good killer for his age(by the way they add a Higher body count to the opening to try and spice it up or something), lets just hope they don't let the little freak hit the gym.
GOD DAMN, he grew up to be one big son of a bitch! I told you guys not to let him hit the gym! These ass holes deserve to die for being so stupid! Not a good sign when all the characters have my permission to die horrible this early in the movie. That leads to another point the characters are far less interesting in this one than they were in the first. Mike was always cool, but in the end I was rooting for Laurie and Dr.Loomis. They were just great characters, and who didn't think Jamie Lee Curtis was hot playing the good girl Laurie Strode? That's right every one thought she was hot, and it made everyone root for her character. The new Laurie is actually kind of annoying. And the first time you see her she does this weird bagel molestation scene(yes she molests a bagel) which is totally out of character because she is supposed to be sweet and pure not a raunchy slut! Worst thing is it wasn't even funny like it was supposed to be because like everything else in this movie it tries way to hard. To better illustrate this I'll explain how the movie works. Besides the opening (which was boring and tried to hard to be disturbing) and the end (which was boring and no where near as good as the original) the movie is a carbon copy of the original. There are some things added but non of them were necessary or that good and most of the scenes were identical. The main difference being they weren't as good. The original had a real style this one is just basic horror gratuity. they take the scene add some extra gore or some extra swearing and say "there you go we made it better", No You God Damn Didn't! Horror is not about excess violence and sex it's about being scared. You can't just take a classic, up the body count, add some titties and say you have a better movie. This feels like the bootleg gored up version of Halloween, minus everything I loved about the original.
Now I'm going to really hit home the major points. In a segment I'll call...
Nightmare's Three Major Points
#1 Characters are one of the most Important parts of a movie after the story. Especially in a horror because you are far more likely to be scared if you can Identify or relate to the characters. If you just don't care the movie will get boring. Towards the end I didn't care who died, I just wanted it to end.
#2 Sex and Violence does not a good movie make. You can't just take an old story and add more death and boobs to it and call it a remake. Horror is not all about gore, in fact I find that the gorier the movie gets the less scary it becomes because you are focused on the gore. And as far as boobs are concerned I do not watch movies to see glimpses of breasts, I have the Internet for that ;) If done correctly nudity can add an effect of sympathy though. Like in Final Destination 3 when the two hot chicks do some topless tanning. This work because up till that point I was counting the seconds until they died. But then when the tanning bed started burning them I could help think "No Don't kill them, they're to Hot". Sure it's shallow but it worked because it made me care about the characters and it did make the scene more edgy...This leads me to my final point.
#3 you can't just add some shock value to your movie to make up for a lack of tension. I'm not talking about jump at you scare scenes I'm talking about disturbing stuff that's just in poor taste. There is a scene where two guys rape some patient at the mental hospital and it instantly pissed me off. There Is No Reason Why Stuff Like That Should Be In Films! It's just tasteless and the scene wasn't subtle in the least and went on for a long time. I actually thought about stopping the movie right there, and this was close to the beginning of the movie. This shock value shit is not scary it just makes the audience uncomfortable. If you want to scare me add disturbing stuff like malformed monster or good scare scenes. Torture and rape is not scary and is just a sign that the director has no idea how to make a good horror movie.
Any way as you might have guessed, I hated this movie. However I will say some people may enjoy it as a "decent " slasher flick and it was, as I said, adequate. I'll give it a C, though I would suggest watching the original instead because it is far Superior. so that's about it I would have said more but I really need to get going. The next review may be Resident evil Apocalypse if I have Time to watch it tonight. See ya!
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