The Strangers, and all the brooding that comes with them.

I’m here to talk about “The Strangers”, a movie I was actually looking forward too. But before I get into that I should probably explain the sorrow I have inexplicably surrounded you in. I love horror movies, just love them. And I’ve been waiting for my fix for quite some time now. And yes I know “The Happening” is on the horizon but I have little faith in M.Night and don’t expect to be blown away by his latest foyer into pretension and whispering. But we’ll hold judgment until next weekend when you get my review. For now suffice it to say I’m starved for horror and thought “The Strangers” could fill the gap, I was wrong.

It was average, just a cookie cutter horror in a long line of mundane forgettable movies. Not bad in any sense it just seemed stale. It had nothing new to offer the genre and it didn’t really excel and anything. It certainly wasn’t scary; every jump scare predictable and without feeling. Though it had a nice atmosphere and was entertaining, just nothing special. I could easily splice this same paragraph into a review for most of the other horrors I’ve seen lately, which makes me sad as a critic and as a fan. There are too many pretenders and remakes taking up space in the horror industry. I bleed for the future.

The movie just feels tired, there have been too many better slashers and it all seems soulless. There is nothing wrong with the acting or the suspense. Some of the camera work is a little shoddy but that can be forgiven considering they were probably going for a realistic feel, it just didn’t work. It just wasn’t scary, there were moments when the crowd laughed at the scare scenes and that’s just pathetic. I almost felt bad for the movie. But it’s not my place to pity the frail and lost.

It feels like a PG13 slasher flick, so their worst mistake was probably going for the R rating as it will appeal best to teens just getting into the genre. For seasoned veterans in the field this will do little more than wet your appetite. It’s a C, a passable but weak performance. For newbies this would work as a fun introduction to the genre as it establishes conventions to the point of cliché and it might make a fun date movie. However I would only really suggest it as a rental, unless people in masks really do it for you.

The Incredible Hulk Smashes my little reviewing mind!

This is why I love what I do. Sure I have to see all the worst movies made, but I also get those roller coaster rides every movie wants to be. And as a reviewer I get the privilege of telling you, the reader, exactly what you’re in for. And this week the prescription is anger. But oh man, I like it when he’s angry.
And for a second straight time Marvel delivers a movie that had me craving more. The old Hulk movie, garbage, forget it. This is The Hulk the way it should be, explosive anger. The story is fine, it does a good job string together the hulk-outs and they really did a good ob bringing the universe together. Comic book fans will notice many nods to old conventions and they set up more possible options for later Marvel titles, like Captain America and the Avengers.
The only flaws I noticed were a few short lags where the movie staled. And some people might not buy into the little love story. Liv Tyler was over acted a few times and The General was a little stiff, though he’s a general so I don’t know if that’s bad. Everyone else was good, Edward Norton really fit the character and Tim Roth was a very convincing psychotic monster. Overall everything flowed well and no one is really going into The Hulk for an amazing plot, we’re there for some smashing!
The smashing is by far the best thing about this film. You really got the impression of anger when The Hulk was rampaging, and that was exactly what the last one lacked. There are some absolutely superb action sequences, and the final showdown is climactic as hell. Which was my only complaint about Iron Man, so it made me really happy to see such an amazing showdown.
Although I probably liked the ending of The Incredible Hulk better than Iron Man’s (not a complaint I loved them both) I still think Iron Man is the superior movie. But I still love the Hulk and it’s defiantly a must see if your hitting the theatres this week. I’m giving it a B+, full of action and a promising start to what could be a cool series of films. But be wary if you have anger issues. I wanted to start fights with everyone on my way out of the theatre. I just wanted to smash something too… L

Hmmm, I’ve noticed my reviews get shorter the more I like the movie. One would think I could fill in space by praising the film for all it’s glory…guess not. I’m going to The Happening tomorrow; I’m assuming now my review will be long, bring a drink.

The Chronicles of Narnia: A Question of Faith

The first Chronicles of Narnia movie wasn’t anything special; let’s face the facts it’s basically a Lord of Rings knockoff package for kids. I personally thought it was a little weak, I just couldn’t get into the idea of a bunch of kids leading an army of mythical creatures into battle while a thick layer of Christian overtones are laid on in the background. But as I said it wasn’t meant for me but for the kids and it must have hit its mark because the studio has pumped out its sequel The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian.

For a brief synapses one could say it’s Narnians verses the Spaniards and it’s up to a bunch of kids to save the day while they all search for their faith in a dark foreboding world. But that would be an awfully cynical approach to a summery. So I’ll go a bit deeper. The same children from the first movie are summoned back to Narnia hundreds of years after their kingdom has been levelled and the mythical creatures driven into hiding. This invading force, the Telmarines, have established an empire in Narnia whos prince is of coures Prince Caspian. His uncle makes an attempt at his life to seize the thrown and this sets the plot into motion. The plot is alittle cliche at points but it flows decent enough and once the battles start no one really cares anyway. After that it’s just surviving the onslaught of Christianity.

The creatures are back and looking as great as always but are sadly accompanied my even thicker overtones with a subtle air of pretentiousness. Like the movie’s being so brilliant with its references that no one could ever figure it out. The acting was also weak; it’s low point being Prince Caspian’s wonderfully fake accent. But as annoying as the references got and as much as the acting made me laugh at times, I kind of enjoyed myself.

They’ve evened out the gap between audiences by making it feel a bit more adult by creating a darker atmosphere and grittier more intense battles. The plot was a little loose and the dialogue rough at times (the aforementioned Christian allusions) but the battles saved it every time. The war scenes are fast paced show lots of destruction and utilize each creature to their fullest, my personal favourite being the Minotaurs and their berserker style of fighting. And though things about the plot really made me mad there were no really glaring flaws.

So I’m going to give it a B. It’s good, just not great, dragged down by its influences and child actors. It borrows a bit from the Lord of The Rings but it’s still fun. Worth a trip to the theatre especially for families, but it’s not for cynics, plot enthusiasts or atheists. I felt like the little references were hitting me square in the face every time and anyone else who doesn’t like that sort of thing will have problems with this film. It’s really a question of faith (see my title) and whether you have it or not. Do you have faith or does the concept of blind faith bother you. Give it a shot but don’t blame me if you’re born again. Don’t worry, I wasn’t.

Speed Racer: Is there any Speed included?

If you decide to go and see Speed Racer make sure you do one thing, bring a spoon. And I know this request perplexes you my faithful reader. No it is not so you can scoop up the sugary goodness in large amounts and place them lovingly in your mouth so the crystallized majesty of it all can dissolve gently on your tongue... it’s so your friend or loved one can shove it in your gob to keep you from chocking on your tongue as you seizure!

You may have noticed by my tone that I didn’t like the movie. It’s true, but a bit of an understatement; I hated the movie. But I would never let my own feeling cloud my critique so instead of just writing the movie off here (writing, I’ll get to that later) I’ll break it down and try, just try, to find something good to say about it.

I should at least mention the special effects since they cost so much and probably took forever to make. To tell you the truth the races looked good, though they should have toned down all the colors the lights and the endless flashbacks. But even though some of the races were confusing the one near the middle of the movie is actually pretty cool, until a fight scene interrupts it. They pull some wannabe Matrix stuff a few times in the movie but it sucks so I won’t even get into it. But as nice as the races look everything else is terrible. The people just don’t fit into the world around them and I kept thinking it would have looked so much better as a cartoon or a CG Pixar film. There are points in the movie where it looks like they spent no time at all on them, just terrible looking stuff.

Note that I wasn’t joking about the seizures, if your prone to them don’t go see Speed Racer, seriously don’t. The lights are as bright as they are colorful and they flicker and flash through the whole movie. It hurt my eyes and I walked out of the theater with a headache, though the pain could have just as easily been a side affect of the shame. I was extremely embarrassed walking out of the theater. The mix of childish humor and bright colors made be feel unwelcome which is odd because from the trailers I thought I was getting a movie targeted more for teens. That’s not the case this is a movie geared for young kids ten and under who can appreciate the juvenile jokes and muddled cliché dialogue. And they would have enjoyed it if it weren’t for a plotline so contrived and lacking in continuity that they won’t know what’s going on, let alone want to, as it’s so boring they’ll be running around the isles. And yes they actually were running around the isles.

I really tried to like this movie. I gave it my all. But there was a moment when I knew I couldn’t take any more. There was actually a good scene starting where the villain tells Speed (yes his full name is Speed Racer, it’s not a nickname) about the corruption in the racing industry. Out of all the terrible writing and unbearable dialogue this one scene was shaping up great. It had well written lines good acting and awesome tone but then the problems started. I guess the writers ( the Wachowski brothers) thought, “this scene is to boring for the kids”, so they started cutting it with scenes of the younger brother and his monkey wreaking havoc around the building. They did this three times, if memory serves, which ruins the mood of the scene and is also really annoying.

It failed for me as a critic when I heard one of the kids ask his father if Speed won the race after it was done. There were so many flashbacks color changes and fade-ins that the kid had no idea what had happened. So he was not only simultaneously bored and confused by the plot but he also had no idea what was happening on screen and any given time. That’s when I knew the movie had failed, not because it didn’t work for me but because it failed to reach its target audience.

I could mention more but I think you see where this is going. It left me ashamed of myself and everyone who had made it. I just wanted racing but what I got was a poorly written drama angled toward kids peppered lightly with a few races just so you can call it a race movie. I’m giving it a D and I wouldn’t advise anyone to see it in the theaters. If you want to see it watch it on TV, maybe rent it if you’re a fan. Just make sure you have the ability to either leave or fast forward through the parts between the races. If your child wants to see it wait till you can rent it and get another better movie too because once you fast forward through the boring stuff you have less then half a movie to watch. Not that either half is worth your money.

Does liking something make it good?

Going into a review of this nature is tough. Indiana Jones is one of thoughts beloved series with a strong fan base, myself included, who can be easily angered by any criticism towards the movie. I can’t pander to the audience, and at the same time I can’t just go by my own tastes. I liked Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull; I had a good time watching it. That doesn’t mean it was good. Now the thing I’ve been debating with myself is how to go about explaining the movie, pointing out it’s many flaws and then still recommended it in the end. For most people this movie will be a fun little ride, even if it is completely unnecessary.

I’ll start by saying Indy fans will enjoy it. After all it brings back a beloved character for one last run (hopefully the last). And it’s mostly the same old Indy…mostly (the first person who gets that reference gets 50 kudos points). There are many problems with this movie and I think they can be summed up quite easily. No one gave a shit. George Lucas was the only one who actually wanted to make a new Indiana Jones movie and he accompanied this lapse of sanity (for previous lapses see Star Wars prequels) with his own script, which he originally called Indiana Jones and the saucer men from Mars. I wish I was making this up but I’m afraid it’s true and that really is the movie in a nutshell. I’d write up a synapses but to do that I’d have to write many long and complex paragraphs. You’ll have to settle for the short version. Indiana Jones has to stop the Soviet Union from getting a special crystal skull that, apparently, could hold the power to grant them telepathic weaponry. Though they never really explain how or give any reason why they just don’t use the skulls they already have to research this new form of technology. But hey, not everyone can notice glaring plot holes while Indy is involved in a nuclear explosion or a car chase…right?

The plot is weak, seemingly designed by a pre-teen boy whose only goal is to create a vague reason for all the bombastic action. The dialogue is very stiff especially at the beginning before all the action diverts your attention. It all just feels soulless, but the crazy action has a nice feel to it all the same. But I must say they dialled up the improbability to a whole new level. It made Iron Man look like a true story it was so unrealistic. And I know what your thinking “who’s the prude now Mattie”. Firstly, shut up, secondly this movie is just ridicules at times. Indy is like some kind of demi-god, completely indestructible and there are moments where you just need to surrender to the movie and let it go.

This has gone on long enough, it’s a C+ and I’ll explain why. The title and the budget, that’s it. This is some weak stuff only saved by a huge special effects budget and a built in fan base. The plot is pathetic just don’t bother with it. It will work for the fans and also for people who just want dumb action fests. If you want to see it go for the action and nothing more. You’ll get your nostalgia fix and you’ll never have to watch it again. I would suggest seeing it in the theatres and only because the big screen suites the grandger of it all. Just leave it behind after that. It’s fun but not worth remembering and certainly not worth adding to your Indy collection (don’t go out and buy the super deluxe tetrilogy in a few months). It really never should have been made and under a different name for less money it would have been terrible, but I enjoyed myself and most other people will too. Just go in with low expectations and leave your brain at home.

Note that kudos points can be exchanged for requested reviews, shout outs, or if you’re female and foxy my number ;)

God I've been slack...

Well I got caught up in my life yet again and didn't upload my reviews...though I'm certain the last one wasn't read anyway. I've been neglecting all my side projects as well, leaving my script alone and unfinished :( But I'm bored and I don't feel like tearing into any of my required reading just yet so I'll now throw all my reviews up. Hurray for boredom!

My Old Ironman Review

Iron Man: Does the Suit Fit?

When the hype for Iron Man was just beginning I wasn’t all that interested. I didn’t have the same connection with Iron Man as I did Spiderman, and after Spiderman 3 kicked my ass I just didn’t feel like another superhero movie. Then the trailers got longer, the footage looked better and I realized how cool the character really was. Not just a regular superhero who gets their powers by luck, chance, or fate, he made himself a hero using his mind. That was a really intriguing idea, not to mention Tony Stark is cool on his own account. So after my frozen heart was thawed by napalm-esque bombardment of trailers on every form of media my thoughts turned from new found hope to fear. I was afraid this would be a repeat of my opening night viewing of Spiderman 3 where all the hype turned to misery. But now your wonder how did it turn out (or your just angrily waiting for me to get to the point), well I’ll tell you. It rocked!

Yes, Iron Man was just about everything I could have asked for in a superhero movie or any action movie for that matter. The acting was superb thanks to an amazing cast lead by Robert Downey Jr., who played Stark so well that I never once thought “he’s playing the part well”, he was Tony Stark to me. The plot was well written and it didn’t have thoughs lolls you usually see in adapted movies where they’re trying to force background information in. It all just flowed nicely from intro to climax and through the falling action. The action beats were perfectly placed throughout to keep up the excitement. And the action, oh the action. It was so well done and just left me wanting more. I’d give a brief summery of the plot but there is no need, the trailers have already covered that thoroughly and anything that hasn’t been shown in them should not be mentioned, as I would hate to ruin anything, the plot does take some interesting turns though. One thing is for sure; you have to stay through the credits, if you don’t your missing out.

So in conclusion Iron Man is the kind of movie that comic book and superhero fans have been waiting for. An action movie that stays true to its subject matter and can make you laugh without making fun of the characters or the story there in. It’s a serious and yet light-hearted film that left me longing for more and dreaming of sequel. If you love comic books or superheroes this is the movie for you, if you like action films where the characters are dynamic and not just stereo types then you’ll like Iron Man. If you were the type of kid who made tin foil armour and put a box on your head to pretend you were a robot…seek help, then go see Iron Man. If the premise sounds stupid to you or you can’t get past the implausibility of it all then this isn’t your type of movie. And while I’ve got your attention you should lighten up a bit too, you prude! I give this movie an A and a high recommendation to any of the aforementioned groups, except the prudes of course.

Victory is Mine!

I won the little writing contest I entered, if you would like to read my entry it's two blogs down ;)

Reviews of a few of the movies I've seen recently.

Ok, this is going to be quick. Just a rundown of a few movies I’ve seen recently and brief reviews of them. I would do a long review for each but frankly I don’t have time. My semester is ending and I have tons of work stacked up. So here we go.

Let’s start off with “The Ruins”, not bad but forgettable. I watched it last night and it was a fun little horror flick but there was nothing really special about it. The plot was basic but adequate, the setting was nice if somewhat limited (not a complaint unless a movie based almost completely in one setting bothers you, I know some people who don’t like that), and the characters are shallow. I know I defended the characters in “Cloverfield” and it could be argued these characters were from the same mould, but the characters in “Cloverfield” showed some depth on occasion, the characters in “The Ruins” mad me angry. The foreign guy and the blond were the only characters I liked and just from watching the trailer I knew the blonds chances of survival were slim. Speaking of dying horribly, the gore is top notch. It’s actually where the movie shines. Nothing puts a smile on my face like sever lacerations…um yeah, the gore is good. So in conclusion I give it a B-, and I recommend it to horror junkies but no one else. For normal people it could be a fun flick to rent or see on TV but certainly not a must see.

Now from average horror to truly excellent horror. I watched a movie that allowed me to finally say goodbye to slasher flicks, because lets face it the genre is basically dead. "Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon" is like an homage to all our favourite slashers. It is the story of Leslie Vernon a man who wants to be the next Jason or Myers and is filmed as a documentary. For most of the movie he’s followed by a film crew who watch him set up for that final night which will make him a legend. Periodically it shifts to a cinematic view when it’s most adequate. This movie is extremely stylish, clever, and at times wickedly funny. For fans of horror and especially slashers this is an A+ movie and I completely recommend it. For the general public it’s a fun little flick but it will be little more because you need to be a fan to get some of the references and jokes.

Anyone who knows me or has read my blogs knows I absolutely love “Cloverfield”, so it should be no surprise that I really enjoyed “Diary of The Dead”. Is it as good as “Cloverfield”? No, but it’s still a solid zombie movie that fans of the genre will love. Not as tightly made as “Cloverfield” and not as stunning, but at the same time it takes the same idea and makes it its own. There are some really nice scenes and the social commentary isn’t bad (though at times it seems a little forced). It’s a B, not great but fans of the genre will have a lot of fun with it.

Last and most certainly least “In The Name of The King”, a fucking horrible movie by the brilliant (retarded) director (asshole) Uwe Boll. This is a poor, bootleg “Lord of The Rings” and Boll never attempts to prove otherwise. There are so many lapses of logic I really don’t know how anyone could have written some of these things down: like any war movie night means flaming arrows; too bad it’s raining out (guess the rain doesn’t matter), wow the main characters name is Farmer; oh it’s because he’s a farmer (WTF), the orcs shoot other orcs off catapults for so kind o surprise attack, oh it’s night time guess it’s time to shoot flaming orcs…oh Christ…they are shooting flaming Orcs…and the list could go on. Realistically as awful as it was it could still be watchable, if not for the music. This has got to be the worst soundtrack I have ever heard, and that includes the music from “Turkish Star Wars” which was the theme from “Raiders of The Lost Arch” played over and over again. It seems like Boll was going for that epic feel that that all fantasy films try to do with booming orchestral scores, but it would seem he’s as tone deaf as he is inept at film making. This movie is epic fail and as such gets an F. If I hadn’t seen “House of The Dead” I would say this was his worst movie, and now I get to look forward to “Postal” and “Far Cry”, oh what joy.

Contest entry

This is a entry I made for a writing contest on another site. It required everyone to use the same opening (the first paragraph and the first line of dialogue) and it had to be 500 words or less. Many others had already done horror stories, so I had to do something else...here you go.



Dim lights played across their bodies, shadows dancing with every small movement they made. Kissing her soft red lips and looking into her eyes, he broke the quiet that had settled over them both.

"Don't marry him."

A thin blade of light shone through by the edge of the dirty curtain, lighting her face up as she looked towards it. Like she half expected it was her fiance pulling up. Her lover stared at her face, a beauty only he truly saw. To others she was plain but to him, breathtaking. But his heart ran cold as he looked; she had the look of a criminal facing trial. A strange mix of fear and guilt he had never seen before in her. Certainly not love… He silenced the thought before it could sink in.

“Don’t marry him, just leave. Be with me.”

He smiled at her as he realized this was the moment he had longed for. She wasn’t happy, not with her fiance, he was the one for her. He loved her, and he knew he always had. If things had only been different. So much wasted time, so many things left unsaid.

In the back of the small motel room a radio was just barley audible. Some generic light-rock band singing about love. Cliche, but it made the man feel stronger. The music gave him some courage.

After a long wait she finally spoke…“I can’t…I mean, I don’t know what to think right now. What will everyone think?”

“Who cares what they think!” There was a hint of panic in his voice. “ Don’t you love me?”

“Yes of course I do. I just…why can’t things just stay like this? I’m happy, aren’t you?”

He considered this for a moment. Was he happy? Not like this.

“Things can’t stay like this. If you love me we can just go, start somewhere new. Just us.”

“I love you but…I love him more.”

He sat silent, not wanting to even move. But he knew it was over.

“I’m sorry, for everything…”

He got up and left the room. He never looked back.Driving away he turns on his radio. Hoping the music will wash over him, anything to forget. First song to come on is “What if we could” by Blue October. The irony isn’t lost on him; in fact it’s the only thing keeping him listening. It’s as if it were his song.

“I’m glad to say that we met, but I’m sad to say that the circumstances weren’t on our side”

But is that it. Was it really the circumstances, or was it him? Deep thoughts, only broken by the feeling of a single tear rolling down his face. He wipes it away and scolds himself. He won’t giver her anymore. He had given her everything, his body, his mind, his heart. But she had never been his, not really…

The music filled him, but sometimes it’s better just to let go.

He turned off the radio.

Best of 2007 Review No Country For Old Men and There will Be Blood

Ok this may seem a bit late but I just want to give my own personal best of 2007 review. I’m going to breaking down No Country for Old Men and There Will Be Blood now that I have finally seen both, and have had time to really think about them. Also note this is not a comparison style review and don’t expect a top three towards the end. If you like the top three just wait for my next review, if you don’t know what I’m talking about feel free to check out my other reviews ;)

Lets start with No Country for Old Men as it was the first one I watched. The plot is, in essence, a simple one. Llewelyn Moss (played by Josh Brolin) stumbles upon a drug deal gone wrong where he finds two million dollars. He takes the money and is now on the run from ultra badass Anton Chigurh (Javier Bardem), who is willing to kill anyone to get the money back. There is of course more to it but I don’t want to spoil anything. There is also an almost side-plot where we follow Ed Tom Bell (Tommy Lee Jones) as he discovers all the carnage Chigurh leaves in his wake. He always arrives just a little too late but is very important to the story because he provides an everyman character to fill our place in the story. He discovers all the pieces as we do, and gives us insight into the town around him. He begins and ends the story for us and sets a tone that follows through the movie with some truly amazing pieces of dialogue. There is also a character named Carson Wells (Woody Harrelson) who gives us a bit of background on Chigurh. Now that I have that out of the way let’s get into some criticism.

Bardem won his Oscar for a good reason, he was brilliant in this film. He played the most believable psychopath I have ever seen, which in this film is a really good thing. He was so cool and composed while killing and destroying (the action in this movie is brutal but also very stylish)and his dialogue was perfect, both sinister and brilliant. This is one of those movies where you’ll be thinking, “man I hope the bad guy survives". The rest of the cast is superb as well, with not one weak performance in sight. It’s also important to note the direction is great and the scenes are played out well to create all kinds of tension. Some beautiful cinematography aswell.

I never read the book but from what I hear the movie is very faithful to it. This is both a good thing and a bad thing. Good because I’m assuming the lines the characters spoke come directly from the novel, but bad because they also brought in a flaw from the book. Anyone who has seen or followed this movie knows what I’m talking about. I’m going to clear this debate up now before I get ahead of myself, the movie has an ending and it’s perfect. What it lacks is a climax. And I don’t care what the fans of the book say you don’t cut out the climax of any story, no matter what medium it appears in. No matter how it’s portrait it’s a flaw. And yes it did make me mad until I realized the movie wasn’t done. The falling action (or the denouement, if you’re a lit geek like me) is awesome and resolution at the end sums up the entire film, both thematically and stylistically, perfect. Really the only problem lies with the lack of climax but at the same time this lone problem will make a lot of people mad, it’s the kind of flaw that could actually ruin the movie for you. But if you’re like me it will be over shadowed by the amazing acting and dialogue.

I loved this movie but I can’t give it a perfect score because of its one Achilles heel, the lack of a climax. So It’s an A and should be on your list of movies to see, unless you’re the kind of person who really needs that money shot to get off. But you know who you are and if that’s how you role I suggest the next movie I’ll review, There Will be Blood.

I heard nothing but praise about this movie going in, so my expectations were extremely high. Luckily, unlike most movies, this one did not disappoint. It was a really tight film with beautiful cinematograph great directing and…the acting. The acting is spectacular each character has so much depth and realism, but you won’t even notice them. Aside from the preacher kid the only thing you will watch is Daniel Day-Lewis, in one of the greatest performances I have ever seen. He was amazing, and though some might say the plot is only an excuse to see him act it doesn’t matter. There could have been no plot and I still would have been in awe for the entire film. If he had not won the Oscar it would have been a huge surprise.

The plot is good, not inspired but that’s not what the movie is about. It is a character film where we follow Daniel Day-Lewis’ character Daniel Plainview. We see him grow as a character; we see his highs and his lows. And no matter what path he takes we follow him, until the end. Now I know I haven’t mentioned any plot points so I’ll sum it up quick. Daniel is a self-made oilman in the process of build an oil empire and the bulk of the movie involves him trying to start a big oil site in Little Boston, California. He has to secure rights to drilling as well as deal with a young preacher named Eli Sunday (Paul Dano) who, like Daniel, wants power. Once again there is more to the plot but there is no sense ruining it for you. As mentioned it is good, just not brilliant. But what it does well is create situations that expose the depths of the main characters, especial Daniel.

It is a great film and has no real flaws. However some people will be turned off by it’s slow pace and emphasis on character development. It is certainly not an action flick. The first portion of the movie may bother some people as well, there is no dialogue for about the first ten or fifteen minutes. However if you’re the kind of person who loves to follow deep characters, loves beautiful directing and amazing acting, and isn’t bothered by the pacing this is an A+ movie.

Just to make this clear I actually enjoyed No Country for Old Men more. I loved both but for some reason No Country just struck a cord for me despite it’s flaw. However, on the whole There Will Be Blood is the better, stronger movie. If you have a problem with it’s pacing though you may prefer No Country because it is faster and more action packed. Both are extremely well written and if you are a movie lover you owe it to your self to see them both.

The Village

God Damn…I can’t believe I just sat through that again…I really hope your all happy because I sure as hell am, after all I just had the privilege of discovering why I have no faith in M. Night Shyamalan, yet again. I feel violated! I need a drink.

To make my intentions perfectly clear this is not a review this is a rant. There will be spoilers all over the place and because of the nature of the movie the problem lies with the twists so I’m going to have to give away the ending. If you have any intention of seeing The Village I suggest you not read any farther then this paragraph. Technically it’s a D movie and has its good points it’s not an F as you may have assumed. But the nature of it’s problems causes it to be a complete disappointment and I don’t think many people will actually enjoy it.

The good parts of this movie all revolve around the creation of suspense. There are actually some really good scenes in this movie that always leave you wanting more. Sadly they leave you wanting more of the monsters and, well…I’ll get to that later. It’s hard for me to think of much else that is good about this film. The setting is pretty good and it works to help create suspense, and I must say the person who plays the retard gives a very believable performance. Nothing else really can be said about good points. So now to my favourite part the problems.

So to start off most of the acting and dialogue is bad. It’s written like some kind of melodramatic high school play, full of emotion and poor old English but no real depth. Some of the acting is decent but it is over all there were only a few lines worth listening to, a few that had some artistic value, but they’re wasted on this piece of shit script. Though I did enjoy Joaquin Phoenix’s performance, but once again wasted.

Now to get to the real problem here, the twists. Or the paradigm shifts as Night calls them, pretentious bastard as he is. He doesn’t seem to understand you don’t need a twist and second twist doesn’t make up for the first and so on…Yes there is more than one shitty twist in this movie, and the only reason you don’t see them coming is you think they're to stupid to ever happen. I’ll explain this in a segment called…

Nightmares Top Three Stupid Twists!

#3 The Monsters aren’t real! They are just people in suits, who thought that would be a good idea!? It kind of ruins the suspense when you know the monster isn’t real and not at all threatening.

#2 Though I’m going out of order the last twist is my second worst. They’re not in the past they are actually living in present day but don’t know it. This twist has no artistic value it’s just random. They do leave hints and when I first watched the movie I saw it coming but figured it was to stupid to be the actual twist, I was wrong…

#1 The retard is the monster! WTF, you mean to tell me this terroristic plot was all orchestrated by the retard? He’s been scaring the town the whole time, and he’s the one chasing the blind chick through the woods as well? Wait one second they left one of the suits under the floorboards, why? They have a special building for this stuff. Why put a suit under the floor?

So now I should explain why I hate this movie so much. I went to see this in the theatres after seeing the far superior Signs. At the time this was my favourite movie and I was mad I hadn’t seen it in theatres. I decided I had to see the Village in theatres because I was sure it would be amazing. I was so sure it would change my life I even went by myself as none else wanted to see it. So there I was alone staring into the abyss, and when it started to stare back I knew I had gone mad. The room seemed to spin even though my body was a stationary mass of flesh cowering in the theatres corner. I rocked silently with one thought repeating in my head, “it has to get better”. But it never did…
Oh and the theatre I was in got an uncut reel as well. And I don’t mean it had deleted scenes, I mean it was unfinished. Towards the end there were scenes that still had the boom mick in them. Half the theatre left at that point and they were the lucky ones as they weren’t present to witness the final few twists that left me a the hollow soulless individual I am today. God damn this movie is shit!

So now that I have finished opening up this large cinematic scar I only have one thing left to ask. Are you happy?


I know I am… :)

The Architects Are Here

When I first started reading Michael Winter's novel The Architects Are Here I kind of felt like a fish out of water. Or like a child wading out into an unfamiliar pool not knowing whether they will float or drown in the murky depths. I must confess I’m a horror lover threw to the bone and as I read the short summery on the inside cover I doubted that I would enjoy it. As a horror fan I like stories with thrills and suspence, most conventional novels lack either. However after the first paragraph it became clear this was more than a simple story of one mans life.
In fact the novel cares very little for the narrators life, sure it revolves around him but it is focused on the people he cares about. It works on the same level as the novel A Separate Peace. It’s all about the narrator looking back on his life and how it defined who he is but at the same time he is never really the focus. It is narrated by the character Gabriel, who tells his life’s story but focuses on his friend David and his lover Nell. The first lines of the novel make it clear that David is the focus of the piece and that to properly tell the story he must also talk about Nell. One of the more unique aspects to this style are the moments were Gabriel is almost omniscient. He seems to know the history of everyone he meets, especially David and Nell. It would be hard to summarise a novel like this because of the way it is broken up. It goes through different stages of life. Gabriel talks about growing up in Corner Brook Newfoundland, going to collage, Moving to Toronto and finally coming full circle and returning to Corner Brook. Each part seems like it’s own separate story, structurally, each ending in a climax and a falling point before moving on. But they all serve to develop the characters and in the end draw the plot and all the characters together.
This form of narration and the way Winter uses symbolic imagery to enforce the character building is brilliant, mostly. The fact that the narrator is not the focus may catch some readers off guard. They may begin to believe the narrator is god or a ghost; interacting with the characters but invisible to the reader. You know very little about him for the first bit of the novel and on a personal not I never even learned his name until page 78. Looking back I don’t even think it was mentioned until then. After that point you learn more about him but he is still motivated entirely by the rest of the cast. He is like an everyman character; he takes our seat in this adventure. For people who like to see the story through the eyes of the protagonist or the catalyst this may be a problem. The other problem lies with the narration itself. At time I was bothered by the overwhelming amount of knowledge Gabe had on the other characters. At times the he even knows what there thoughts and emotions are. Personally I didn’t mind this but it will be a problem for some people. There are also inexplicable segways and view sifts. Sometimes in mid conversation he will break off describing a back-story then at the end sift back into the conversation, it’s a bit distracting. There is also one scene where the view briefly swifts from first person to third person and the narrator starts referring to himself as Gabe other then I or me. I’m sure it had some stylistic relevance, probably showing that for a moment he wasn’t himself. However, clever or not it was a huge distraction that had me stumped. I kept rereading thinking I had missed something or was confused.
The novel is gritty which may or may not be a plus for you. As such I’m putting the grittiness on the fence. It is neither a strong point nor a weak one. There are moments where descriptions are very grizzly and others that are almost perverse but it fits with the story. This is not a feel good story, conflicts abound and so does tragedy. This fits the realistic tone of the novel and makes you feel like this story could really happen. Aside from a few events that seem farfetched, but are necessary to move the plot, the story keeps a very realistic feel. All the more far fetched moment are fine as well because they fit symbolically and only seem out of place because all these terrible things are happening to the same people.
Now for the good bits, I would say everything else and that would work because it’s the truth. The writing is smooth and clever. It features loads of symbolic imagery some of which is just stunning. The characters are amazingly deep and feel like real people. Each one has their own personal demons and fancies, even the small ones. And there isn’t a truly stock character in sight. All of the fore-mentioned points come together and lend to the complex web that is the story. A web that seems to shine with little drops of brilliance that it’s captured like dew in the morning air. Fancy metaphors aside, overall the novel is masterfully crafted with only a few minor scratches marking its well-polished construction.
This is defiantly an A book. With only small problems keeping it from an A+. It’s made me consider going out and picking up more of Winter’s work which is impressive. The only author I’ve read serially is Steven King and that’s due to my previously mentioned love of horror. So it has done the impossible and made me want to read books that have nothing to do with ghosts or zombies (a daunting task to say the least). With that in mind, I give it full recommendation to anyone who loves a good coming of age story, or for that matter anyone who loves literature.

Double Review Bonnanza: White Noise 2 VS They

Well this may make up for the delay on my review for "The Village"...or it may not. I don't care. This is a new thing I'm going to try for a while, I'm going to take new(ish) films and compare them to classics. My first comparison review will be on "White Noise 2" and "They". One is good and one is, well...new. So lets get to it.

So I'll start with "White Noise 2" because it new and not that good. Keep in mind I liked the first one. I thought it was cool because it was a new idea; the whole evp thing was an original concept that led to some interesting scenes. Apparently when making the sequel the writers watched the original then said "fuck all this sciencey crap, lets do us up a good old fashioned religious thriller. cause that's original and jebus is awsome", retarded ideas aside they took an original idea and turned it into a genaric thriller with a faith aspect. Most of it makes little sense and what little evp elements there are seem tacked on. If you know anything about the bible you'll see the plot twists coming a mile away an if you don't see them coming you won't be impressed any way. There is one point where it seems like it may become original again but they fail to see it through and the ending is really cliche and will have you saying what the fuck just happened, it's almost good then it gets ruined by the whole white light sub theme. Arg, it gets a D+ watchable but inferiour to it's prediccesor.

And now for the movie "They" which involves night terrors and things that hide in your closet( insert overly used Michael Jackson joke here...I'm above this...). It works on the idea that children are afraid of the dark because there are actually things that thrive within it. The things of nightmares that remain shrouded in the shadows unable to enter the light. For the most part this works well because up until the end you never get a good look at the creatures, which leaves you wanting more and the use of darkness is top notch. The only faults to the movie is a poorly conceived ending and the acting is a little off at times. Over all a solid B and well worth a look for horror buffs.

So now comes the comparison part of the review is a segment called...

Nightmares top 3 comparisons...(fuck original titles)

#3 Usage of light. "They" nails darkness perfectly allowing you to see but not to be able to make out what you're looking at. That way it can scare you but you can't get used to it. As for "White Noise 2"... there are actually scenes where the lighting is so bright it actually hurt my eyes. I watch horror movie in the dark and at times they really had the high beams on and it got really annoying and you could also see every ghost way too clearly.

#2 Usage of "otherworldly" imagery. "They" has a few scenes where you get a glimpse of the other dark world but you never get a good look at it...it's dark (lol). But you get the impression that it's writhing which is cool. In "White Noise 2" (from now on refered to as WN2) there is one of thoughs near death experiences where the main character flies (litteraly) out of his body and into a tunnel of light (go into the light kind of garbage). I remember half way through this scene my friend turned to me and said "OK man the movie is ruined now", it's at the start of the movie.

#1 Usage of horror! Here we go the most important part. "They" works well because of the aforementioned darkness. You don't know what you saw and they only focus on it for a second then it's gone the scare only lasts long enough to make you jump. In "WN2" they have a bad habit of double-taking shots. They do a scare (some aren't bad either) then they focus on the main characters reaction, then they make the horrible move of looking back at the ghost again. There are 2 things bad about this: 1 it allows us to see the ghost better and we can no longer be scared of it because we know what it is, 2 we get to look at it again and notice it looks like shit because of the movies low budget and lack of originality.

So in conclusion don't bother with "WN2" and if you haven't yet watch "They" you may really enjoy it.

Silas Marner

OK, I know I'm a little late on this one but hey at least I'm still doing it....Silas Marner is actually a great book. This must sound weird since I didn't enjoy the last "Classic" I read but this one is actually quite good. I really liked it. The basic plot is entertaining enough with some really touching moments and some really great character development but the main draw is the layered social commentary. It involves both religion and class structures showing the hipocrisy in both, something I'm totally into. If you like classical literature and religious dabate you should really dig this book. It gets an A because it manages to make a point without becoming stale and it does so without coming right out with it's message. I like a story that allows me to think without holding my hand...You hear that allegory, your not clever. Go die!

( for all you lit buffs out there I'm talking everyman allegory not Inferno allegory, some allegory is good...most sucks though)

Updates....or excuses

So I actually finished a novel for Intro fiction and I'll do a review as soon as I can. It's Silas Marner by the way. I will also be doing my Review of The Village (FUCK) as soon as my friend gets it to me (that's a hint Meg). Keep in mind there is also a UFC event this weekend that I may do a post about, I have a History essay to start and the Super Bowl is this weekend...so don't be surprised if it takes me a few days to catch up to my posts. I do what I can with the time I'm allotted.

Unmeasurable Hate

Expect my review for The Village to be posted within a week or so, probably on Sunday. That is if I don't take the easy way out...............BANG........... :) For now, I'm out!

Good Luck Chuck

So I'm going to do this one a little different than usual. I know pretty much everyone hates this movie so I'm going to do this more as a rant than a review. I'm writing this while watching the movie and for the record I haven't seen Good Luck Chuck before so my pain will be first hand. And yes I am assuming that I'll hate it, I'm far past the point of mercy here(especially since you people decided I should review the village, damn you all to hell!). So here we go.

To start off his friend is a creepy kid. Hahhahahah, OK your kidding me, he was hexed by a goth kid and so now he's cursed . This is some real BULL SHIT. OK I see were this is going there is going to be lots of really awkward gross out scenes. And it's not even funny awkward. And of course the fat kid grew up to be a fat adult who is just as creepy as before. What the FUCK IS GOING ON please kill the fat one, Christ I already hate everyone in this film. Please god bring in Jessica Alba.

God damn make her leave again she's making Dane Cook try and sound clever. Oh good she injured him, guess this movie isn't a total loss. WTF the bride killed a bird with the bouquet, this movie isn't even trying to be clever. Just boobs and slap stick (bad choice of words), this movie is ass.

Ha, she hit her face off the ice, hope the concussion helps her acting because this is bad. This clumsy thing is getting annoying almost as annoying as Dan Cook trying to be the "good guy" whilst screwing every piece of ass that crosses his path. These characters suck, not one of them is likable. And the fat guy is really fucking pathetic, what a dick.

NO, there is no way. Your telling me Dane Cook is only screwing these chicks because he wants them to find their true love. So their trying to portray this as a sympathetic story with a good message about true love but then they show what must be a ten minute sex scene involving Dana screwing countless hot chicks. Yeah he really respects women. Note I'm not against screwing hot chicks, seriously take note of that ladies I'm more than open to a shallow relationship ;) , I just hate it when a movie tries to be something it's not.

Speaking of which they keep trying to make Jessica Alba seem like a good actress. She just can't pass for a scientist and once again the clumsy shit is really annoying. Stop wrecking stuff you dumb bitch! Now it's trying to be a romance, go back to breaking stuff, please!

Shut up you fucking stoner, you don't have the right to give advice! Note I have nothing against stoners I just wouldn't take their advice. I'd fill you in but there is no point, the only thing I left out was the part were Cook bones the fat chick....I don't have word, but it's defiantly not funny.

I fucking hate you Dane Cook! I give up this has gone on long enough I'll finish the movie then I'll give my final verdict I don't have the strength to continue right now...

OK I watched the rest and it didn't get any better.....I have nothing left to say except you shouldn't watch it. It`s a D but I`m close to giving it an F because it just sucks. There are way better movies out there to see.

Oh by the way there are some real WTF scenes in this film and I`ll give them to you in a segment called...

Nightmare`s top 3 WTF moments

3: There is a penguin in the movie that eats it`s own shit. And it`s like they were building up to it. a few different characters mention that penguins do this just so when it happens you know why. It`s still fucking random.

2: Dane walks in on the fat guy having sex with a grape fruit. I have nothing to say.........

1: During the credits Dane gives oral sex to a stuffed penguin. It`s not half as funny as it sounds. I shudder at the thought and wish I had never seen this film. Just don`t watch it.

Hard Times...(I love word play)

Well I should have finished Hard Times by Charles Dickens by now but...I haven't and I doubt I will. I once again read a bunch of summaries to make up for it but I somehow feel like I've failed myself. I just have far to much to read for all my classes. And as of late I have been having a hard time focusing on novels (especially social commentaries...ARG!) or anything else for that matter. Personal problems aside I saw Cloverfield loved it and posted my review and I'm going to start planning my review of The Village since it has become apparent it will win. On a side note boxing is going well so not everything is bad. It just seems like I don't have enough time to do everything I need to, things end up going undone and words end up unsaid. Oh well at least I'm closer to beating up on some poor schmuck in boxing :)

CLOVERFIELD

OK, before I begin I would like to say that this movie isn't for everyone. Some people are not going to like allot of what this film has to offer. However that does not mean the movie has problems. I assume allot of reviewers are going to try and look "smart" (code for pompous and arrogant) by pointing out the movies "flaws", the problem with this is most reviewers have their heads so far up their asses that they believe that if they don't like something it's automatically bad. A real reviewer can tell when their being bias toward something and look at it from another prospective. I hate to use myself as an example (I'm not arrogant enough to really call myself a reviewer) but my review of Halloween is a good example. I hated the movie but still gave it a decent score and a pointed out that some people will like it. Because I know my tastes don't account for everyone. To say you didn't like Cloverfield is OK, to say it sucks is just ignorant and I'll tell you why...In time.

I'll break this movie down very carefully. I loved it and I don't want to ruin it for other people. So I'll keep plot points as far away as I can. Though that leads to my first(and probably most important point) the problem most people will have (besides the shaky cam) is that there is a plot. It's really all about the people who have to survive but it's also a love story. Weather or not this will work for you depends on what crowd you fall into. You'll love it if your the kind of person who can except that this man is going back for this girl because he loves her. Or you'll hate it because you think common sense dictates you would just leave her behind. It really depends on your personality. I for one thought it was great and I really grew to love the characters, of course that's easy for me because I'm young and I know people like this. Allot of people are calling them douche bags but I think your forgetting what it's like to be young. These "douche bags" are basically the people I hang out with so I really liked them. Once again this is a case were it won't work for everyone but it certainly isn't a problem. They can't go and have a diverse bunch of age groups so they can cover the tastes of everyone. Besides I would have been very confused if they had a middle aged man at the party with them. As far as performances go they were all really good. The lines didn't sound forced and they only said what they needed too, which leads perfectly too my next point.

This movie only gives you what you need to know. Both in camera work and plot design. This will again be a problem for some people. I thought it was great, I don't like to be spoon fed and I had a great time figure(or guessing) things out on my own. Besides if this were real no one would know what the hell was going on especially at ground zero. So I would have been angry if they had given explanations. The camera is what sets this apart from other epic and disaster films because instead of giving you everything they only show you what you would see if you were actually there. Some people have complained that it didn't show enough, but I think they fail to realise that is the point. Your not supposed to see everything because in real life you wouldn't. Some scenes are a tease on purpose though, they are meant to build tension and suspense. Each one eventually giving you what you want which is made all the sweeter because you had to wait for it.

These little things and the plot are what separate this from the Blaire witch. It feels real but you can also feel the directors presence. You can't just make a naturalistic movie it wouldn't work. If that happened the movie wouldn't have been half as interesting, there would have been less action, no emotional response and no character development. In real life these people would have probably either died quickly or been evacuated. the quest to find the girl was built on circumstance but it was necessary. It took them back into the city. I don't understand why that's a complaint because we all wanted them in the city anyway, if they had left we never would have seen anything. this is not a movie about Joe Average(though all the characters are everyman type people who I had no problem sympathising for) it is the story about the brave few who would venture back into hell for love. Though many of you are saying this defies common sense it is necessary because this is the stuff legends are built on. Obviously not everyone would do what they did but that's why we follow their story and not the story of Joe Average, their story may not resemble what you would do in a crisis but that's why no one ever remembers your story. Again it won't work for everyone but it's not a fault, realistically it's genius.

Well I think I covered as much as I can without giving away anything. i will say some people won't like the ending because it is abrupt. Though if you didn't expect that you shouldn't be analysing movies. I for one loved it because it finished the main character ark. I won't explain how though because it would ruin it for the type of people who really get that stuff. It was the only way it could have ended and yet it was still perfect. And also on a side note, the monsters look cool. Some people may have a problem with the main monster's design but I didn't and the way they teased you for most of the movie, never really showing it to you, was perfect.

I personally feel it's an A+ but not everyone is going to get some of the more artsy points. And if you don't like the shaky hand held camera effect just don't see it in theaters. If this kind of stuff gives you motion sickness just wait and watch it on DVD, the great visuals and the emotional effect it causes(there is allot of 911 type imagery and symbolism) will still work on the small screen. And at least at home you can pause it if you feel dizzy.

Cloverfield: Review Preview

OK, I just got back from Cloverfield and it blew me away. It was everything I hoped for and more. It kicked ass! So I'll post a review tomorrow outlining why everyone should see it, because though I'm really going to try I don't think I can find any real complaints about the movie. Though if you get sick while watching shaky cam scenes this movie probably isn't for you ;)

Jane Eyre (God Damn It!)

Well to start off there are two things you need to keep in mind: 1 I never finished the book I just ended up reading plot summaries to make up for my lack of effort and 2 this is not my kind of book. So I'll give you my verdict but you'll have to take it with a grain of salt.

I really didn't like this book. I just have trouble relating to the problems of a young woman in the 1800s. And the other problem I had started with the fact that I knew her back story. Charlotte Brontë's life was almost the same as the story of Jane. Except everything works out in Jane Eyre (links added so you can explore my claims and argue them if you feel like it) and Charlotte ended up dying young. The story was spruced up a bit but it was still a throw back to her life. In my opinion it seems like the fairy tale version, it's as if this is how she dreamed her life would turn out. So the problem I had with this was that I'm studying it in Intro to Fiction and in my opinion it's almost biographical. I want twists and mysteries and all I got was some cliche romance with a little "deus ex machina" thrown in to keep it on track. I hate it when an author uses convenient plot turns to move a story. But all complaints aside the style is impeccable. Her writing is top notch give the lack luster story the shine it desperately needs. And the way she uses the first person point of view is great. She makes the story a narration but it's not first person omniscient like other stories of this type. Everything has the illusion of real time though it is all in the past.

So like I said I hated it, but that doesn't mean that it's bad. I'm not ignorant enough to believe that I have to like it for it to be good. However it does have flaws that make me question it's importance as a classic novel. It's a B, for romance lovers this should be right up your alley and it is also good if you want to study first person narrative. I just wouldn't recommend it to men in general as you'll probably hate it as much as I did.

Anger and Updates

Well I'm back in school now so you may notice a decline in how frequently I post. This is mostly due to the massive list of books I have to cut through by the end of the semester. I just don't have the same amount of time to watch movies as I used to. But I may have found a solution. For the time being I'll switch over to doing Book Reviews. Now you need to bare with me here these aren't the kind of books I normally read. My first book is Jane Eyre :( It was written by Charlotte Bronte the sister of the woman who wrote Wuthering Heights (which I had the misfortune of reading last year), I foresee a world of hurt! However this may entice me to read more often and writing the reviews may help my understanding of the source material, so overall this may work.

I would also Like to mention my growing hatred for my local Blockbuster. They are in the midst of renovations so they're normally inept form of organization has gone all to hell. I was looking for a movie to review for this week but every time I picked up a case there was nothing but random films behind it. Once this happened three times I gave up and stormed out of the store. Needless to say I'm looking for a new rental outlet.

Resident Evil Extinction

This is the second time I've seen this movie, the first time being in the theaters. So I've had plenty of time to pick it apart. This movie is not very smart. I was taking notes thought the movie until about the half way point where I just gave up. Like many big budget action movies it falls apart when you apply logic. However it was a fun movie so I will take the time to break it down before pointing out it's weak points.

It once again follows the character of Alice as she fights the undead while trying to accomplish various goals. The chosen goals for this one are settle the score with Umbrella, get the survivors to Alaska(?) and later in the movie GET TO DA CHOPPER! it has some of the characters from the second movie including everyone's favorite comic relief LJ. But for some reason Jill Valentine is nowhere to be seen no explanation is given she is just replaced with another strong female character Claire Redfield, why? Because she is another character from the game. This movie loves to play the name game another example would be the almost absent Albert Wesker. As for Claire I'm not sure if she acts like her original character because I didn't play the game she was featured in. Besides, the dialogue in the RE games sucks so you have to really take liberties with the characters when adapting them for a movie. Speaking of which the story here is not from the games. Like the rest it is almost all original. Something that game fans never really liked. But I don't really care because the games never had very complex story lines to begin with. It's not like their Silent Hill or anything...oh shit, they screwed up that story to...STOP RUINING THE FUCKING STORY LINES OF EVERY GAME, JUST USE THE ORIGINAL STORY...AHHHHH...Sorry about that I just hated the movie Silent Hill, so realistically I can see why loyal game fans could be mad.

To be honest the story isn't to bad you just have to understand that it's shallow and definitely not a Horror. It's your run of the mill action movie with a bit of zombie thrown in to add some kick. The main reason why it's not a Horror is Alice is super human, thus the zombies pose no real threat and the rest of her companions are armed to the teeth so the can dispatch the zombie hordes almost as easily. Though the action scenes are very good and show off Alice's ass kickery and offer some cool gun play. The down fall is of course the plot holes...

Nightmare's Top Three Plot Holes

#3 The movie implies that the T-virus not only brings things back to life but has the spontaneous ability to make the water from rivers and lakes evaporate. How exactly? Did the zombies all systemically line up and use buckets to drain out all the water? Maybe they used a pump?

#2 The Umbrella scientists are trying to domesticate the Zombies so they become less dangerous and can be used for manual labor. Ah OK. I'm sure that's going to work. Just like it worked in that older zombie movie "Day of the Dead". yeah it worked great for them too ;)

#1 The scientists determine that the zombies don't need to feed to survive, they are self nourishing. How exactly? Are they solar powered? do they plug into most standard outlets? Please movie just give me an explanation!

So most of the plot is built on garbage but it's still a fun movie. kind of like how AVP 2 was fun. Just mindless action. The only difference here is the characters here are actually pretty good. I grew attached to a few of them and it really made the movie more interesting. So it gets a B, if you like action you'll probably like this movie as long as you don't think too much. Also if you like the other RE movies your sure to enjoy this one and of course if you hated the others I wouldn't bother watching this one.

Halloween (sorry the picture isn't better)

OK here we go again with another slasher review. I'll start by saying that it's at least better than Black Christmas, though that's not saying much. Even with my obvious lack of writing experience I could right a better horror script than Black Christmas and I could do it over an Afternoon for free. Hear that Hollywood, for free! Just so I can have the joy of knowing that there is still some art left in the horror industry. Though I do expect royalty checks ;) After all the real money is in royalties anyway.

Before I really begin I have to warn You this may be short. I have boxing in a few hours and I don't think I'll be in any condition to write it after boxing. I'll be far too tired. Mostly I'm asking you to bare with me on what ever typos you may notice I just don't have the time I usually do to edit this one. Sorry in advance:(

Just forget about that warning I feel good enough to go through it now so i will. Be aware this message was written about 3 hours after the rest so you may have already seen many mistakes...I'll make up for this with...well...nothing, I can't change the past. But I will fix some mistakes for everyone else.


Now getting to the movie, I must say it didn't live up to expectations. Most of my friends said it was great! Well it wasn't. Adequate is probably a better word as it just barley fills the quota to be called a horror movie and for that matter a Halloween movie. I'll start by addressing the lengthy back story at the start. This movie is supposed to be a remake but it takes some liberties of it's own with the story. Most of this revolves around Mike Myers who in this one is driven to kill because of his bad childhood. this doesn't fly with me for two reasons. #1 many kids have it way worse than mike, oh no your moms a stripper and your dads a douche bag, your sister is a slut and you have no friends...Boo Frickidy Hoo! That's no reason to torture animals or walk around like your the god Damned Anti Christ! Grow the hell up, try living in Africa you fucking pussy! then tell me how rough you had it. #2 Mike shouldn't need a reason to kill, he is supposed to be pure evil. Humans need reasons, not Mikel Myers. He doesn't need a back story and we don't need to feel sorry for him because he's the serial killer. There are also some small plot holes in the start I won't bother mentioning because their not worth my time. Though to his credit Mike is a good killer for his age(by the way they add a Higher body count to the opening to try and spice it up or something), lets just hope they don't let the little freak hit the gym.


GOD DAMN, he grew up to be one big son of a bitch! I told you guys not to let him hit the gym! These ass holes deserve to die for being so stupid! Not a good sign when all the characters have my permission to die horrible this early in the movie. That leads to another point the characters are far less interesting in this one than they were in the first. Mike was always cool, but in the end I was rooting for Laurie and Dr.Loomis. They were just great characters, and who didn't think Jamie Lee Curtis was hot playing the good girl Laurie Strode? That's right every one thought she was hot, and it made everyone root for her character. The new Laurie is actually kind of annoying. And the first time you see her she does this weird bagel molestation scene(yes she molests a bagel) which is totally out of character because she is supposed to be sweet and pure not a raunchy slut! Worst thing is it wasn't even funny like it was supposed to be because like everything else in this movie it tries way to hard. To better illustrate this I'll explain how the movie works. Besides the opening (which was boring and tried to hard to be disturbing) and the end (which was boring and no where near as good as the original) the movie is a carbon copy of the original. There are some things added but non of them were necessary or that good and most of the scenes were identical. The main difference being they weren't as good. The original had a real style this one is just basic horror gratuity. they take the scene add some extra gore or some extra swearing and say "there you go we made it better", No You God Damn Didn't! Horror is not about excess violence and sex it's about being scared. You can't just take a classic, up the body count, add some titties and say you have a better movie. This feels like the bootleg gored up version of Halloween, minus everything I loved about the original.


Now I'm going to really hit home the major points. In a segment I'll call...


Nightmare's Three Major Points

#1 Characters are one of the most Important parts of a movie after the story. Especially in a horror because you are far more likely to be scared if you can Identify or relate to the characters. If you just don't care the movie will get boring. Towards the end I didn't care who died, I just wanted it to end.


#2 Sex and Violence does not a good movie make. You can't just take an old story and add more death and boobs to it and call it a remake. Horror is not all about gore, in fact I find that the gorier the movie gets the less scary it becomes because you are focused on the gore. And as far as boobs are concerned I do not watch movies to see glimpses of breasts, I have the Internet for that ;) If done correctly nudity can add an effect of sympathy though. Like in Final Destination 3 when the two hot chicks do some topless tanning. This work because up till that point I was counting the seconds until they died. But then when the tanning bed started burning them I could help think "No Don't kill them, they're to Hot". Sure it's shallow but it worked because it made me care about the characters and it did make the scene more edgy...This leads me to my final point.


#3 you can't just add some shock value to your movie to make up for a lack of tension. I'm not talking about jump at you scare scenes I'm talking about disturbing stuff that's just in poor taste. There is a scene where two guys rape some patient at the mental hospital and it instantly pissed me off. There Is No Reason Why Stuff Like That Should Be In Films! It's just tasteless and the scene wasn't subtle in the least and went on for a long time. I actually thought about stopping the movie right there, and this was close to the beginning of the movie. This shock value shit is not scary it just makes the audience uncomfortable. If you want to scare me add disturbing stuff like malformed monster or good scare scenes. Torture and rape is not scary and is just a sign that the director has no idea how to make a good horror movie.

Any way as you might have guessed, I hated this movie. However I will say some people may enjoy it as a "decent " slasher flick and it was, as I said, adequate. I'll give it a C, though I would suggest watching the original instead because it is far Superior. so that's about it I would have said more but I really need to get going. The next review may be Resident evil Apocalypse if I have Time to watch it tonight. See ya!

Halloween Preview

I rented Halloween today and as usual I'll post my review sometime tomorrow. I hope everyone knows I actually did research for this one. Not much but I did re-watch the first Halloween and the second one so I can more easily compare this one to the source material. Again not much but I'm trying. I would also like everyone to vote on my poll, The village is still leading with three votes and if it wins so easily I'd say the poll idea was a failure. I was hoping to get a more even spread. Though that may just be because I hate it the most and really don't want to watch it again! I try not to be bias but sometimes it's unavoidable. Don't make me have to think up a new way to get feed back. The less I have to think the smoother this whole thing will run ;)